Useless Conference Warning Label
Please read carefully! Failure to follow all directions fully
may compromise the uselessness of this conference.
- This conference is void where prohibited.
- Some restrictions may apply.
- Use only as directed.
- May cause drowsiness.
- May impair ability to drive or operate heavy machinery.
- Do not exceed recommended dosage.
- Use in a well-ventilated area.
- Not recommended for use on hardwood floors.
- Avoid contact with skin, eyes, and mucous membranes.
- If swallowed, do not induce vomiting.
- Wear long rubber gloves while using.
- Always wear safety goggles.
- If swallowed, induce vomiting.
- Promptly refrigerate unused portion in separate container and use
within one week after opening.
- Keep away from children.
- Do not play on or around.
- Do not incinerate.
- Contents under pressure.
- Supplies limited.
- M.S.R.P. Does not include taxes, title, and destination.
- Not responsible for lost or damaged items.
- No animal testing done for this product.
- Objects in mirror are closer than they appear.
- NO Shoes NO Shirt NO Service.
- Must have 2 forms of ID.
- Not responsible for typographical errors.
- Prices subject to change without notice.
- Viewer discretion is advised.
- Some assembly required.
- Batteries not included.
- Wash separately in cold water.
- Some shrinkage is normal.
- No refunds or exchanges.
- Your mileage may vary.
- Do not remove cover. No consumer serviceable parts within.
- Not a substitute for professional legal advice.
- Seek medical attention if symptoms persist.
- Close cover before striking.
- Avoid fire, flame, or smoking during use and until hair is thoroughly dry.
- Keep hands and feet clear of all moving parts.
- Use only under supervision of a parent.
- No pets allowed, except service animals.
- Winner is responsible for any taxes.
- Offer expires August 31, 1973.
- Do not place near magnetic devices.
- The Surgeon General has determined that smoking is hazardous to your health.
- Warranty void if seal is broken.
- Store in a cool, dry place.
- For best taste, drink by date on bottom of can.
- 15% restocking fee on all returned items.
- No Left Turn Between 7 AM & 9 AM.
- This package not labelled for individual sale.
- Please don't feed the deer.
- Resistance is futile.
- You will be assimilated.
- Sauce will thicken upon standing.
- This page is intentionally blank.
- Variations in color or consistency will not affect product
effectiveness.
- This product is sold by weight, not by volume. Some settling may have
occurred during shipping.
- This material intended for informational purposes only. We do not
advocate or recommend practicing the acts described within.
- You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used
against you in a court of law.
- Intentional misuse by deliberately concentrating and inhaling the
contents can be harmful or fatal.
- This is not your father's Oldsmobile.