Pyramid Inversion

by John W. Hays, © 2002
 

The stories have been told, painfully, all too often. The abused become abusers. Children of alcoholics grow up to marry alcoholics, succumb to the affliction themselves, or sometimes, both. Two dysfunctional parents may produce multiple children. The many dysfunctional children then grow to become new sets of dysfunctional parents, which beget that many more afflicted children. The cycle seems logical enough that it should come as no surprise to anyone when dreary reports are frequently broadcast. It seems like we hear more and more about these situations because of the fact that there aremore instances occurring than ever before. There are more peoplethan ever before. However, percentage-wise, it can get downright discouraging. That is only one perspective. Whether you consider a glass half empty or half full, it remains that it is half something.There is always another half. Years ago, while pondering the pyramid of increasing dysfunction, and my own role in the chain, I set a goal to adjust my focus to consider viewing the whole situation from a greatly overlooked vantage point. Maybe it is so obvious that it escapes dialogue, unworthy of discussion due to the fact it is accepted as a universal 'given'. A person who chooses to work toward optimal health can be the peak of their own pyramid of increasing numbers of healthy generations. I like to think of it as inverting the pyramidof dysfunction. Good health practice can be passed through generations in a fashion similar to the proliferation of dysfunctions. There was a point in my life when I found myself vividly aware of my position in the chain. Even though my father had long since passed from this plane of existence, his character loomed large in my mind. I cherished many fond memories of him, yet carried a deep aversion for the less desirable traits he had skillfully developed. Accumulating years increasingly revealed my tendencies to mimic behaviors imprinted on me, most notably, those I so disdained. At the same time, as my children blossomed out of infancy, I suddenly became aware of my unwelcome behavior being manifest in the earliest composition of their impressionable selves. I saw myself right in the middle. More than anyone, certainly more than myself, I credit my children as being the ones to move me to conceive the goal of inverting this pyramid. I wanted to be the link that breaks in the chain of dysfunction that I unwillingly found myself a member. First, I needed to set out to heal myself. Then I would see what I could do for the kids. Little did I know at the time, how much our children would respond before I even got around to focussing that attention on them. The simple act of my seeking help, and the subsequent rewards I've enjoyed, seems to have positively impacted their general development. I will work to augment those results by continuing to provide them with tools to further establish that break in the old chain.

Career Change Challenge

by John W. Hays, © 2002
 

The process of a career change can be wearisome. It has been a somewhat rudderless experience in my case. After 18 years of mostly interesting opportunities with one employer, I jumped ship without a lifeboat. I did manage to grab a floatation device, however, that is about to lose the last of its buoyancy. Not being the academic type, I was greatly rewarded by a vocational education that particularly suited me. As an insecure musician in fear of trying to earn a living from my own performing, training on the massive control panels to become a sound technician or recording engineer appeared an acceptable alternative. Little did I know at the time I entered this technical institution, I had a knack for the functional academic portion of this field of study. I entered with a feeling of apprehension for not having tinkered with all things electric as a kid, fearful that I would be behind my classmates from the start. I wanted to be an artist, not a tech geek. However, I thrived in their teaching and testing environment, discovered I enjoyed circuit analysis, and scored at the top of my class by the end of first term. Much to my surprise, I continued to enjoy learning the minutia of electronic technology. When the different career opportunities were presented to help us select upcoming electives, I altered my area of focus. Recording engineers were expected to earn up to $10K starting, and there were currently three potential positions in the local area. Industrial electronic technicians were starting around $16K and there were innumerable opportunities with limitless possibilities. At the time it wasn't that dramatic a decision. Logically, it was incredibly simple. Less apparent was the significance of altering my vision away from the arts. The decision was made without ever really giving deserved attention to what I was giving up. I sold out without honestly acknowledging that fact to myself. After a brief and distasteful experience with audio equipment repair I landed a fantastic entry-level position with a great company. Full benefits, stock opportunities, tuition reimbursement, an on-site recreational facility, and located in my hometown. I advanced every 2-4 years, earned increasing titles, salary, and vacation accrual. This proved to more than compensate my act of denying the artist within. Or so I thought. Eventually, I faced the "grass is always greener" syndrome that had me fretting I would have been happier as a starving artist, while simultaneously knowing that from the other vantage point my current situation was brimming with virtues. It starts as a whisper. Then it builds in frequency. Eventually it grows in strength and flirts at being bold. You can attempt to deny the thoughts about changing careers, but then it comes out of your body and your behavior, and even your work. I don't know what the solution is. I only know what I chose to do. Now I'm on the other side looking back at how comparatively green it is over there, from the perspective of water at eye level and dwindling floatation assistance.

A True Confession

by John W. Hays, © 2002
 

I don't know if this is even something to be confessed. I prefer to call it an observation. I have never had a woman attempt to seduce me. In the real world, it is likely that a vast majority of men would admit the same. From what I've seen in television and film productions however, a guy could start to question himself for this lack of activity. In my case, it has raised my awareness of the sundry nonverbal messages that I must broadcast. Look, it's this or admit that it might have something to do with my shortness of stature and cherubic countenance. To start with, I should admit that I am married and most often show that with the sign of my wedding ring-it gets removed for sports. That rarely seems to matter to the stunning temptresses on the screen, so I am led to believe there is something more to my aura. Now before you bristle too much over my even contemplating this issue, let me assure you that my character is such that I sincerely would not be able to entertain such an advance were it to appear. It might just be ego, but there is a part of me that would at least like to have that opportunity to decline. Another factor that would appear to contribute, as measured by the look of the guys on the receiving end of the attention in all the movies, is my inability to achieve that 5 o'clock shadow. My son recently asked, "Dad, what would you do if you were under the rule of the Taliban and had to grow a beard?" I wonder if my bare face would jeopardize my standing in such a regime in addition to dampening hopes for propositions from amorous maidens? I've also been made aware that it's not always so subtle, this signals sending. Upon hearing from a friend regarding his opportunity to politely refuse the invitations of one rather eager young thing, I wondered out loud, "Why doesn't that ever happen to me?" My friend helped to open my eyes to what actually goes on by responding, "You don't wander around giving out your phone number." Duh! Is it that obvious?! I used to think it had something to do with a choice I made a long time ago to abstain from alcohol use. It is usually present in the movie scenes. My avoidance more often than not keeps me out of the hotspots where this social interaction seems to flare up. When I have been there, I think the fruit juices I prefer are sending their own messages. I haven't even had a stranger say hello. Ultimately, since I think the messages I send are unconscious, the source just may be from something none of them ever see. My favorite food is cold cereal and milk. What desirable cinema stud revels in the opportunity to have seconds on the cereal because there is still milk left in the bowl?